Come on skinny love, what happened here.

I want to be honest; i do i do. But sometimes i think i know better. And i know that i have been stupid; thoughtless. But i am not now. Never ever. So give me this one last chance.
This is my last post before i go to Barcelona. They have no wifi there so i suppose i will be missing completely for a week or two. I am terribly excited. Barcelona; Cannes; Florence; Rome and Barcelona again. It's so many places on my map marked with blue thumbtacks. Four of the places i have wanted to go to so badly and now i am.
I am so lucky; lucky and i hate how sometimes i can't see it. I feel like a horrible person everytime i even think for a second that something is unfair.
It is not. It is just different kinds of fair, you see?
I'll send out all my post my tonight so that when i come back home i will have them back.

As if my smoking was the only thing that drove her away

I am going to a cruise in Barcelona on Thursday. I can't wait, spain, spain, spain. Does the rain in spain fall mainly on the plain?
I'll find out.

Sent out all my letters and postcards today. They seem like the only things i don't feel sad about letting go

I can't keep my head up with just two

I am tired like shadows. I am sleepy like silhouettes.

Caramel Corn

I promised a recipe for the bestest popcorn you could ever eat.
It is better than Garrett's popcorn.
Home made Garrett's popcorn is always better. forever and ever and ever.

You will need some ingredients, first.

Popcorn kernels
Handful of nuts. I like pecans the best, because they taste of maple syrup.
5 tablespoons of unsalted butter
1/2 cup of light brown sugar
1/4 cup of corn syrup
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon of baking soda.
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract. The vanilla extract smells delicious, but don't taste it. It's horrible, really.

What you must do:
Preheat your oven to 120 degrees C

The first thing is to pop the popcorn kernels however you do it best. I have a popcorn machine which makes it tonnes easier. Only thing is a i get a lot of unpopped kernels jumping out before they pop. Anyway, they to get about 8 cups of unpopped popcorn. i never measure, play it by eye, but it's about 1/3 cup of unpopped seeds. It you have a special grill that pops, use that. Some can do it in a microwave with a brown bag. You can also put the kernels in a pop with some oil and crank up the heat. You can google to figure it out, i guess. I am not a popcorn expert without my machine.

Remove all the unpopped kernels by slowly moving all the fluffy popped ones into another bowl, leaving the icky tough seeds behind. Then throw a handful of nuts, depending on how much you like. I like loads. Kyra likes to cut them up into itty bitty pieces but i like them whole and large. So it's up to you. Make sure the nuts are on top of the popcorn, though. You will see why.

Next you measure out the butter, brown sugar, corn syrup and salt. Put that in a nice little pot

Put it over the stovetop and stir it with you little spatula until it is all well mixed. no need to crush the sugar crystals trying to make them dissolve. This is when you wait for it to turn into caramel. It needs a candy thermometer, but i hate using candy thermometers because the caramel that sticks to it gets all over you. So generally leave it for five minutes over the fire after stirring. Don't agitate it with you spatula. Once it is bubbling and all you must turn off the heat. It make take slightly less than 5 minutes, depending on your fire. so keep watch.

This bubbling is good. once the stovetop is off, throw in your baking soda and vanilla immediately. I like to measure it out before hand while waiting for the caramel to bubble. It should froth up and become really soapy looking. it will look like liquid honeycomb. It will look delicious but don't put it in your mouth. It is quite hot and my tongue got burnt trying.

stir it around quickly to distribute your baking soda, pour it over your popcorn and stir until it is coated evenly. Your nuts will prevent the syrup from sinking to the bottom initially. when it is as well coated as you can make it, put it out nicely onto a baking tray.

flatten it out and put it in your oven for 15 minutes. Take it out, stir it up and flatten it out again. this is to get all the melted caramel onto the popcorn. put it back in the oven for 15 more minutes, take it out and stir it one last time. It gets really well coated at this stage. Decant it onto the parchment paper and leave it to cool.

Once it is cold, keep it in an airtight container. You don;t want your popcorn going chewy. crispy is best.

i promise you, better than Garette's.

Milk, for your tea?

I know i promised a recipe but i felt like making a gif instead.
Lipton's forest fruit tea is the only tea i can drink with milk. It tastes like berry caramel with milk in. All other milk teas taste odd.
Sometimes, i wonder what it would be like if my parent's let me try to be anything i wanted. If i could have gone to study photography. Design. Art. Because, honestly, it's these things that really interest me. I see all my friends now doing their poly courses and some of them make me sad. Because i know that even if i had been allowed to go to a poly, i would never have been allowed to take up landscape design, hospitality management. Food and beverage. If i could become a film maker or director or set designer or costume designer.
Business, law, medicine. That's my options.
I am not complaining about being me. I know how infinitely lucky i am that my parents really care that get a professional degree. That they have spent a lot of money and time and effort trying to get me into Cheltenham, that it's one in a million. That i shouldn't waste my time there wanting to become something abstract. That, sure, i can do what i want. But only after i have a proper career set down.
Then i feel sad. Because the world isn't all we made up to be when we were seven and didn't know any better. We thought if we wanted to become an astronaut all we would have to do is take a moon exam. That all jobs are created equal. That if you do what you like, who cares about water bills and retirement funds.
I don't like to think this way. I don't like to think of the world the way it is and not the way i have wanted it to be, for so long. I can't see why or when it all changed, but it did. It doesn't get better, you don't get happier, nothing gets easier.
i suppose north Korea got something somewhat right by trying for equality. But no one is happy with equality if you are on the receiving end of inequality. And i don't know where i am or fit in in all of this, so what do i know?
Nothing.
Except that whatever i do, if i end up chained behind a desk punching numbers, i will run away and join the circus.

Don't make frowns, you silly clown

Today was quite productive. Just like any other day that i don't waste in my school. I made some caramel corn with pecans and walnut with Kyra. I will post the recipe in my next post because it is delicious, lavelle and Jeethi agree.
I made blue coconut jelly and yellow mango jelly with kyra and she has been eating it non-stop since the morning. I cut up Lavelle's skull shirt and bleached the teeth and it came out okay looking. hahah managed to pull it off. Maybe i will post a picture once it is dry and bright out.
I also cleaned up a bit of my room. And i went to dinner at Vegan Burg with Lavelle and Jeethi. I have only been there once before and i had some Hawaiian soy burger. But i decided to try the tofu dog today and oh, my. It was good. It had mustard and relish just the way i like.
Then i came home and uploaded my new photos. And i thought a little about you and how i should stop thinking about stupid things then i started my GP research on the computer and i got distracted.
And now i will have some tea in my new-old Hermes mug and have a mango jelly or two.